Of Shameless Drunks and Horrified Avatars
by juviass
Summary: Wherein Korra finds out that confiding in Asami is a one-way path to embarrassment, and Iroh and Asami discover a new hobby. — Korra, Asami, Iroh.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Legend of Korra.**

* * *

"So."

"So."

"General Iroh."

"Yeah, what about him?"

"You're friends with him, right?"

"Kinda, yeah. Why?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you... y'know."

"'Y'know'?"

"Y'know."

"... Sorry, Asami, but I don't know."

"You're going to make me say it?"

"Say what?"

"_That._"

"Again, what?"

Asami sighs; this is getting her nowhere. Sly and subtle: not going to work. So there's only one other choice...

"Have you had sex with him or what."

Korra chokes on her spit and ever so gracefully falls off her bed. "_WHAT_."

Asami frowns. She rolls over so she's on the edge of the bed now, and props herself up on one elbow, facing Korra. "I was kind of hoping for the 'had sex with him' option, but 'what' works fine, too." Korra says nothing, and Asami looks at her, bewildered. "Are you going to retell the events or not?"

"NOT," Korra replies loudly. The heiress pouts.

"Boo, you suck."

"Hmph."

"..."

"..."

"So does that mean you really _did_ have sex with him but you're just too shy to retell it to me, or—"

"_ABSOLUTELY NOT_."

"Okay, okay, jeez. No need to get your panties in a twist. I'll stop. Jeez."

"Good."

"..."

"..."

"So do you think he's hot?"

Korra practically screeches. "_ASAMI YOU ARE DRUNK_."

"I only had six shots. Or maybe it was sixteen. Whatever." Asami dismisses it with a wave of her hand.

The Avatar groans. "Aren't there better things to discuss? Like what to do now that Amon's gone? Whether he's even _alive_ or not? Hell, I'll even discuss make-up with you. Anything but Iroh."

"Ooh, you two are so close you don't call him 'General'? Then you must have some dirt about him. C'mon, spill. It'll be our first ever female bonding session."

Korra looks disgusted. "Over Iroh? That perverted, horrible, infuriating tease _Iroh_?"

"Tease?" Asami licks her lips. "Elaborate."

Korra sighs in defeat. She calls Naga over, and sits up so that she can lean into the polar bear-dog. "Well, when he approaches you he does one of two things," she says as she airbends little shapes in her hand absently. "Usually, he's just really blunt. But every now and then, he'll play with you and start leading you on, and..." Korra shivers, and sends a little puff of air at her bangs to get them out of her face. "He's the biggest pervert you'll ever meet."

Asami sits up, alert. "Pervert? What does he do? Crack sick jokes? Grope you? If you choose option number two, please describe."

"You and Iroh would become great friends, I'm sure," Korra mutters. The heiress grins.

"I only do this because you're so fun to tease. Now, go on."

"It's hard to explain," Korra says with a huff. "The way he talks is just... Ugh, I can't explain it."

"Then give me an example."

Korra flushes red. "An ex— Asami, please don't make me do this."

"You're reluctance is only piquing my curiosity," Asami says matter-of-factly. Korra gives a small sob before coughing and saying, in her best imitation of Iroh's voice, "Korra, an ample chest is a _good_ thing. It's nothing to be ashamed about."

Asami flops on her back and stifles giggles, while Korra buries her face in her hands in embarrassment.

"It's true, Korra. You should stop hiding your hips with your furs, too. I mean, if you've got it, flaunt it," says a male voice from the door. The two females turn to the voice, and Korra gapes. The man holds up a hand. "Hello, Iroh here."

"Iroh. Iroh _why_?" Korra wails, finally finding her voice. "Just how drunk did you get?"

"I've only had a whole bottle of wine. No big deal." He holds up a glass, and red wine sloshes inside it. Korra groans. Asami smiles.

"Might I ask what you're doing awake and drunk in the middle of the night, General?" Asami sits up and flips her hair, and Korra gags. Asami swings her legs over the edge of the bed, "accidentally" kicking Korra in the stomach in the process. Korra glares. Asami pointedly looks away.

Iroh ignores the little exchange, and takes a sip from his glass. "Oh, I was just wondering if Korra would like see _something_ I brought back for her. Would you like to have a look too, Asami?"

Asami smiles slyly. "Depends on what the _thing_ is. Care to give a description?"

Iroh responds with a devious glint in his eyes. "It's long, hard, and extremely pleasing to look at."

"Sounds wonderful," Asami purrs.

"Quite," Iroh smirks. "Korra would know, she's seen it before."

Korra looks horrified as she screeches, "I'VE SEEN _WHAT_ BEFORE?!" She's promptly ignored.

"Has she now? Y'know, I've got something pretty pleasing to look at myself," Asami starts suggestively. "It's hidden under layers of fabric, which I wouldn't mind shedding to show you. It's recently become Korra's favourite toy, so it might seem a little... used."

"_WHAT_. I'VE NEVER, _EVER—_"

"Korra, dear, you're hyperventilating," Asami tells the Avatar.

"WELL IT'S _YOUR_ FAULT!" Korra cries, hysterical. "Y'KNOW WHAT, I'M LEAVING. C'MON NAGA." The polar-beardog whines in confusion, but gets up and follows Korra out the door.

"But where will you sleep?" Iroh calls after her.

"_THE BEACH_," Korra yells, before taking a deep breath. She turns to face the Asami and Iroh with a twitching smile on her face. "Goodnight," she says, before slamming the door shut. There are a few moments of silence, before Asami and Iroh break out into laughter.

"So," Asami begins as she wipes away a tear, "just what did you want to show me?"

"Korra's Yanling sword. I asked Commander Bumi to bring it for me, since they finally finished making the moderations last week. I actually think she'll be quite excited when she sees it again, since they even managed to engrave her name on the hilt."

"Korra has a sword?"

"Grandfather was disappointed that Avatar Aang had no interest in sword fighting, so when he visited the Compound four years ago and discovered that Korra wanted to learn, he immediately got one made for her. He supervised the entire process himself." Iroh chuckled at the memory. "And what were _you_ going to show me, Miss Sato?"

"It's nothing much. Just my motorcycle," Asami says with a shrug. "Well, it's kind of turned into Korra's motorcycle, now that she's been riding it around the Island every other day. And crashed into every single ancient airbender artifact with it. I only brought it up since it seems like no one outside of Republic City knows of the existence of motor vehicles."

"What's a motorcycle?" Iroh asks in confusion. Asami smirks.

"C'mon, I'll bring you for a spin."

**XxX**

"So Korra, would you like to hear about the... _activities_ General Iroh and I engaged in last night?"

"No. Please go away."

"Are you sure? The General commented that it was the _ride of his life_."

"Actually, I said _night_ of my life, but Miss Sato's version is also accurate."

_Thump._

"..."

"She fainted."

"I can see that, General."

"... Should we get medical attention?"

"Nah. She'll be fine."

* * *

**Headcanon: When Korra was younger, Iroh often visited her at the Avatar Training Compound. They became quite close, because Korra never saw any other kids, and Iroh liked getting away from the manners and fake smiles of Fire Nation royalty.**

**Do I know what I'm doing? Absolutely not. But do I like the idea Iroh and Asami teasing Korra? _So. Much_. Someone take my laptop away from me before I write another one of these atrocities.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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